Clogged

On my bedroom shelf, three bottles of perfume are ready for a new home. One lost its spray top, the second is clogged, and the third—if you ask me—is just being stubborn! Yet, I look at them sitting there and it's as if they are saying, “Yeah, we’re here! Whatcha gonna do about it?” 

Okay, that’s only the sassy one. The other two can’t figure out why I haven’t used them in over a year.

Inaccurate! I’ve attempted to use them. Every once in a while—in my rush to leave the house—I forget the difficulty this trio poses, pick them up, and attempt to spray. Annoyed, I think to myself…okay what am I doing wrong? These “should” be able to work. There must be another way!

Photo by Yixian Zhao on Unsplash

For the clogged bottle I try to loosen the top, hoping that I’ll just dab the fragrance on my wrist. Surely, that’ll work! NOPE... I try my teeth (don’t judge). Not. Even. Budging. You get the idea.

After much trial and error, today's the day. I’m ready to relinquish them to my apartment’s “free” community table. I know they have a lot to offer… (as I write this, I realize that might be a lie–haha). All I can hope for is that someone comes along ready to help and give them new life. But, if they stay the way they are—in their dysfunctional state—they will continue to fall short of the lives they were meant to live. And, tbh, offer continued frustration.

Oh boy. And suddenly, we’re not just talking about body spray anymore. *Gulp*

Suffering from heart amnesia, I have at least one “clogged” loved one I keep returning to. I reach for them– longing for a spray of that sweetness I know they have on the inside. Instead, over and over and over, I’m met with inaccessibility. Each time, I ask myself- Why did you think it would be different, dear Bekah? I cling to their words claiming to care and rationalize– if they could just…

But isn’t this on me? I never want to give up on anyone; especially a family member! But how do I train myself to not reach for them with any expectations?

Do you have someone in your life who’s consistently unable to meet you where you need them? Perhaps they offered goodness in the past, and you were able to reciprocate, but now the unhealthy dynamic won’t budge?

I encourage you (and myself) to offer them up in a way that doesn’t leave you in inevitable disappointment and frustration. And if you figure out that best way, will you please let me know? 

Remember,

 Your Brave Tutu (You’re brave, too-too!)

-Take courage in delight. Discover power in small moments

If this piece resonates, you might also connect with Fly, Swipe Out and Stuck. Also, the serenity prayer helps me, I’ll include it here:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.